Stupid Makeup Names

A couple of years ago I stumbled upon this fantastic blog on the ridiculous names of nail polish. Stupid Nail Polish Names features satirical commentary, and dare I say social/political/cultural criticism, on nail polish branding. The blog delves into the “inventiveness” of such names as “Iris I Was Thinner,”Red Thong in Divorce Court,” (what?!?!?) and my personal favorite, “Dick Weed.”

The blogger? Genius! The polish puns? Not so much. Sadly, it appears the blog is no longer posting new material. Because bad fashion and bad make-up (both literally and figuratively) go hand in hand, I will pick up where “Stupid Nail Polish Names” left off. Of course, I will happily relinquish the torch should the blog ever start posting again.

I’ll start by taking a look at some of my own stash. A quick look at my lipstick bag — yes I have a bag just for lipstick — reveals a name that not only seems lazy but also somewhat repellent to actually wear.

I bring you “Mush,” by butter London.

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Described as a “dusty coral creme matte lipstick,” I’m not sure I want to put on something that reminds me of cornmeal boiled in water or milk. They should just say the formula is “porridge for your lips” rather that creme matte. Also, the last time I checked, cornmeal wasn’t “dusty coral.” I’m from the South, I know.

Further, mushing is traveling by dog sled. And, while I love dogs and almost took a dog-sled trip while in Iceland in March, this just makes me think about those warnings of not letting your dog lick you on the mouth, particularly this gross picture that constantly pops up on other sites.

Thanks butter London. That’s the look I’m really going for. On the bright side, it really is a pretty color, although I think it’s less “dusty coral” and more “dusty rose.”

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All that being said, do send me your stupid nail polish and make-up names here.