The Outfit Jigsaw Puzzle

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I’m pretty sure this takes “dressing for the airport” to a whole other level. What I see reminds me of a jigsaw puzzle, and Raggedy Anne here doesn’t know how to make the pieces fit.

Could she not decide what she wanted to wear, so she simply put on everything? Was she making sure she would be prepared for an impromptu in-flight game of strip poker?

At least she got her color combinations mostly right, although I’m pretty sure her plaid/lace/floral top is having an identity crisis. (Most of the outfits I’ve seen seem to suffer so — see this recent post.) Also, this flight was headed to the beach, so perhaps Raggedy was just making sure she was prepared to prevent sunburn. Personally, I would have chosen sunblock and a hat.

Capris for All Seasons?

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Washington, D.C. has been enjoying unseasonable warm weather the last few weeks. And, there has been a lot of talk about pants lately. However, I still don’t see that as an excuse to put these capris on. Admittedly, I hate all things corduroy. In my opinion, they are the ugliest pants to ever walk the earth. Why would people purposefully want to wear a couch? Or a bean-bag chair? Or a dog bed?

These corduroy pants in particular are a particular brand of special. The functional aspect of corduroy is for its warmth, right? I mean, in cold weather, I can’t run away from the fabric fast enough. So, the idea of corduroy capris simply doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, can someone truly be both a summer and fall? A spring and winter? I think not.

Not Quite Halloween

I had intended to write a post on some of the Halloween costumes I saw this weekend, but it dawned on me — Halloween is pretty much an excuse to wear your worst and actually get a thumb’s up. You can wear something completely ridiculous, that doesn’t make sense, is risqué or perfectly boring and cliché and get a pass.

So, instead, let’s have a look at this beauty I spotted before Halloween. One could argue it’s Halloween-esque. Except it’s doubtful it was superhero day wherever this poor soul works.

What we’re looking at here is a jumpsuit with essentially a cape. Sorry to tell you sister, but you won’t be leaping from tall buildings any time soon in this get-up. I would tell you to go put your real clothes on (after all, superheroes are usually incognito), but I’m kind of afraid of what that would look like. Oh wait. This. If she’s on her way to save the day, I wish someone would save her first – from future embarrassment by leaving the house with this on.

What Pants Am I?

These pants are clearly having an identity crisis. They can’t decide whether they want to be a bathrobe, a plush blanket or a tracksuit formerly known as Juicy Couture. Either way, they are walking around DC begging for an intervention or three-step program. As a side note, it would be great to convince them to come over to my house – my bathroom is in need of a new rug.

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Knit Tops and Short Shorts

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Please tell me you’re going to work out. Please tell me you’re going to work out. Please tell me you’re going to work out.

Here in D.C., it’s not unusual to see staffers and federal employees commuting to work in their workout gear, toting their dress clothes in another bag or even hanging from a hanger. However, I think what’s so confusing to me about this particular get-up is this woman’s knit tank she has coupled with her crotch-eating athletic shorts. It brings a whole new element to “business casual.”

I will say that I see this woman often during my own commute to work, and it’s not unusual to see her in extremely questionable clothing. (I’ll have to think of a name for her in subsequent posts. Thoughts?) I remember a black net top with peek-a-boo bra once. It reminded me of that scene in the first “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” where Bridget wears the see-through top to get the attention of Daniel Cleaver. (It’s about at the two-minute mark in the linked video.)

I can only hope this individual actually wears a work uniform but keeps it in the office to change in to. Because she gets in so early, maybe she sneaks in before she’s an affront to the eyes of her coworkers. Of course, maybe she works in an office full of under-dressed individuals, so she’s in like company. Maybe she just really likes to mix textiles or takes “dressing for the gym” very seriously.

My So-Called Fashion…

I suppose I would be remiss if my first post wasn’t one that poked fun at my own fashion faux pas, of which I definitely have had throughout my lifetime. However, I’m also one not to leave evidence, as it were, so we’ll be taking a look back, way back. Really though, these were the only pictures I could find, and they don’t necessarily do justice to questionable fashion choices I’ve made in the past. I can remember a particular choice outfit I wore for a high school senior year play/presentation/excuse to get out of class. I’m pretty sure I layered everything I could think of that would mimic “Beverly Hills, 90210” and topped the outfit off with these truly awful silver and plastic platform Mary Jane’s. I was a sight. And, don’t even get me started on the pair of mustard yellow Guess jeans my sister and I used to fight over. Ugh.

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What’s missing here is the matching shorts. And, let’s be honest. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this sort of pattern at various pin-up style clothing sites. Also, I was in the third grade, and this picture is sort of cute.

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Remember that time I wore a curtain? Or was it a tablecloth? Yeah, I try not to remember either.

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Fun fact: these aren’t pajamas. What’s not quite so evident is the matching pants below the purposefully ill-fitting button-down top and a weird lace-brocade pattern. Also, I had a few more outfits like this. Apparently I really liked coordinating separates designed for the Golden Girls. Or pajamas.

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That’s me on the far right. And ok, so maybe on the surface, this outfit isn’t that bad. I remember those pants. I actually went to an Army surplus store or some such and bought uniform pants. That was a thing. And, they never fit right. But I continued to wear them because they were “trendy.” That’s basically fashion in a nutshell, right?

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Those are mom jeans. And, that’s my mom. Neither are related, but I loved both. (And I of course still love my mom.)

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Clearly I didn’t understand the concept of bra silhouettes. Oh, and the top was textured. It could practically put an eye out.