Knit Tops and Short Shorts

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Please tell me you’re going to work out. Please tell me you’re going to work out. Please tell me you’re going to work out.

Here in D.C., it’s not unusual to see staffers and federal employees commuting to work in their workout gear, toting their dress clothes in another bag or even hanging from a hanger. However, I think what’s so confusing to me about this particular get-up is this woman’s knit tank she has coupled with her crotch-eating athletic shorts. It brings a whole new element to “business casual.”

I will say that I see this woman often during my own commute to work, and it’s not unusual to see her in extremely questionable clothing. (I’ll have to think of a name for her in subsequent posts. Thoughts?) I remember a black net top with peek-a-boo bra once. It reminded me of that scene in the first “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” where Bridget wears the see-through top to get the attention of Daniel Cleaver. (It’s about at the two-minute mark in the linked video.)

I can only hope this individual actually wears a work uniform but keeps it in the office to change in to. Because she gets in so early, maybe she sneaks in before she’s an affront to the eyes of her coworkers. Of course, maybe she works in an office full of under-dressed individuals, so she’s in like company. Maybe she just really likes to mix textiles or takes “dressing for the gym” very seriously.

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My So-Called Fashion…

I suppose I would be remiss if my first post wasn’t one that poked fun at my own fashion faux pas, of which I definitely have had throughout my lifetime. However, I’m also one not to leave evidence, as it were, so we’ll be taking a look back, way back. Really though, these were the only pictures I could find, and they don’t necessarily do justice to questionable fashion choices I’ve made in the past. I can remember a particular choice outfit I wore for a high school senior year play/presentation/excuse to get out of class. I’m pretty sure I layered everything I could think of that would mimic “Beverly Hills, 90210” and topped the outfit off with these truly awful silver and plastic platform Mary Jane’s. I was a sight. And, don’t even get me started on the pair of mustard yellow Guess jeans my sister and I used to fight over. Ugh.

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What’s missing here is the matching shorts. And, let’s be honest. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this sort of pattern at various pin-up style clothing sites. Also, I was in the third grade, and this picture is sort of cute.

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Remember that time I wore a curtain? Or was it a tablecloth? Yeah, I try not to remember either.

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Fun fact: these aren’t pajamas. What’s not quite so evident is the matching pants below the purposefully ill-fitting button-down top and a weird lace-brocade pattern. Also, I had a few more outfits like this. Apparently I really liked coordinating separates designed for the Golden Girls. Or pajamas.

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That’s me on the far right. And ok, so maybe on the surface, this outfit isn’t that bad. I remember those pants. I actually went to an Army surplus store or some such and bought uniform pants. That was a thing. And, they never fit right. But I continued to wear them because they were “trendy.” That’s basically fashion in a nutshell, right?

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Those are mom jeans. And, that’s my mom. Neither are related, but I loved both. (And I of course still love my mom.)

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Clearly I didn’t understand the concept of bra silhouettes. Oh, and the top was textured. It could practically put an eye out.